tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16152922321545458572024-03-22T05:26:52.463+00:00Some Kind of ExplanationAt last, the final answer to everything.Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-48598662381010526572015-01-30T21:58:00.003+00:002015-02-04T09:19:31.777+00:00The Bard's Flying Pig and the Uber-Spectrum<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Ah, there you are! I haven’t done one of these for some time, and all the while the
Universe has been expanding, and so I’m afraid we’ve probably got rather behind
in explaining it. Here nevertheless are the meticulously-imagined answers to some
of your recent, and indeed unrecent, questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/07751828822124137995"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mike</span></b></a></u><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> asked</span></u><u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <span lang="EN-US">Why don't the
Oscars have Best Director and Best Directress awards like they do for actors
and actresses? <o:p></o:p></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s a little known fact that back
in Hollywood’s hay-day there were 1,317 categories of Oscar. Some of the now-vanished
awards included Best Serious Director, Best Lightweight Director, Best
Featherweight Director and Best Bare-Knuckle Director. Oscars were also
available for Best Boy, Best Girl, Best Movie Pitch, Best Movie Bitch, Punctuality,
Effort, and Make-Up in a Foreign Language. By 1929 pretty much everybody in Los
Angeles had at least twenty or thirty Oscars and Hollywood was wracked by Award
inflation. There are even stories of motion-picture professionals needing a
wheelbarrow of Oscars simply to get a seat in an average Los Angeles
restaurant. The Federal Reserve stepped in, and the Oscars were drastically cut
back to the bare bones 24 categories that people really cared about. Categories
like “Best Short Documentary” and “Best Sound Editing” that make the Oscars the
essential night of TV viewing my wife believes it is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Nance</span></u></b><u><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-zombie-scourge-and-very-leggy-python.html?showComment=1403656835527#c69915840207003981"><span style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></a></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">asked: are
there any colours unaccounted for in the traditional colours of the rainbow?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The 1960s spawned an interest in mind expansion of all kinds, and none
more so than in the area of colour. Doctor Iggy Farben, professor of advanced
Tuning in, Turning on and Dropping out at the Woodstock Institute of Sticking
It to the Man was a pioneer in his field. He believed that there was literally
no limit to the colours the human brain could perceive if only it sat in the
middle of his aforementioned field and had some of his mushrooms. Farben posited
the existence of an alternative rainbow, a rainbow perpendicular to the normal
one visible to “like, you know, the man”. Farben's was a rainbow containing colours you
couldn’t see, but that under the right conditions you could still really, you
know, dig. This was Farben’s “hyper-rainbow”, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>containing colours from the uber-spectrum: Ultra Yellow,
Ultra Blue, Ultra Magnolia, Uber Orange, Super Green, Infra Mauve, Infra Pink,
Infra Tartan, Infra Penny and Infra pound. Farben died a broken man when the
60s, a decade he believed would never end, came to an end, and overnight his
entire work became infra dig.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-outline-level: 1; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Stu asked </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What’s the
difference between a herb and a spice? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A herb is a leaf or stem of a
plant used to add flavour in cooking. A spice is where a South African parks
their car. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/05460290519932838622"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Grazlewacky</span></b></a></u><u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <span lang="EN-US">asked: why are
flying pigs the brunt of so many statements of incredulity? <o:p></o:p></span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The English language is full of
sayings we hear time and again without ever considering their origin. “Neither
here nor there”, “not that way inclined”, “too much of a good thing”, “for
God’s sake, darling, for once in your life can you not reverse without going up
on the kerb?” Familiar phrases that make up our every day conversations. But it
might surprise you to know that each and every one of these are actually to be
found in the plays of Mister William Shakespeare. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The same goes for that expression
of incredulity “pigs have wings”. This comes not from one of the bard’s more
popular works, but from his less widely-known and even less widely-admired Children’s
Plays written for the financially and critically disastrous Globe4Kidz between 1598
and a bit later in 1598, under the artistic directorship of history’s least
popular actor manager, and inventor of the interval snack, Sir Costly Chockice.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A copy of Time Out from that year
lists works such as Shakespeare’s The Billy Goats Gruff, parts one, two and
three; Goldilocks and the three Bears of Verona; and John Ford’s controversial
‘Tis Pity She’s a Horse. And of course the play which concerns us here –
perhaps anticipating a later, greater work - Hamlet, Pig of Denmark, starring
Chockice himself in the title role. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The text is now lost to us, but
scholars believe the plot consisted of Claudius, a butcher, wanting to make
Hamlet into sausages, and Hamlet wanting to avenge his father’s death but being
hampered by metaphysical angst and also by being a pig. In the final climactic
scene Hamlet turns to the audience and asks them to tell Claudius he has flown
away, and then hides off-stage. Hearing the news of his quarry’s supposed
escape from the audience Claudius replies “Pigs have no wings”. The boys and
girls counter “Oh yes they do!” and a bitter row ensues. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The dénoument was intended to be a
coup de théâtre with Chockice magically taking to the air in his pantomime pig costume,
an effect achieved by carefully firing him out of a trebuchet over the heads of
the audience and into a waiting safety net. Sadly the antipathy to Chockice
within the company was such at the opening performance he was fired over the
walls of the Globe4Kidz and into the middle of the Thames, and the play was
never performed again. Incidentally this is also the origin of the expression “ham
acting”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Well, I’m afraid we’ve reached the arbitrary limit I’ve just set
for this instalment, but do ask a question in the space below if you feel in
need of Some Kind of Explanation and we'll get the Universe explained in no time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-60403658899774423372014-05-30T00:17:00.004+01:002014-05-30T19:07:26.385+01:00The Zombie Scourge and a Very Leggy Python <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Welcome to another installment of the blog that attempts to explain
everything in the whole universe one question from a member of the public at a
time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">asked</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2014/01/revolutionary-hamsters-and-two-hundred.html?showComment=1391301656012#c1567505955248902071"></a></span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">:
I've read that the sandwich was named for its inventor, the Earl of Sandwich.
Was he really the first?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The Earl of
Sandwich was not, of course, the first person in history to eat a sandwich. He
was the first filling. Medicine in Georgian times was primitive, painful and
dangerously Latin, and so the wealthy elite sought other ways to alleviate
illness. This lead to the flourishing of spas where the affluent indisposed would
flock to be cured without the help of a doctor by taking the waters, and thus
towns such as Leamington, Cheltenham and Bath grew phenomenally rich. The small
seaside town of Sandwich was not so lucky, and its Earl looked on the prosperity
of the spa towns with envious eyes. But while his own town had no hot spring it
did have a larger than average bakery, and so the lateral-thinking Earl set
about luring the peaky but loaded to Sandwich to “take the bread”. A typical
treatment involved the patient lying for hours at a time between two giant slices
from a white split tin loaf, while for the more seriously-ill the Earl
recommended a whole-meal bloomer, with a poultice of mustard or possibly
mayonnaise. But at the height of his fame disaster struck when the Earl,
attempting to prove the medical benefits of bread and cheese at higher
temperatures had himself placed inside an eight-foot wide Welsh Rarebit and put
under a giant grill. He became the toastie of the town. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02588797317315471188"><b><span style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Sarah Pgce</span></b></a>
</span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Can you get WiFi in Plato's cave? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Classical
scholars believe that Plato wrote extensively about wireless broadband and they
presume that he would have posited that a paradigm of WiFi existed in a state
of perfection forever beyond the reach of direct human experience. Sadly we
will never know for certain as he found it impossible to post his blog about
this from his cave, where the WiFi coverage was invariably awful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Stu Beale</span></b><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>How did
the first snake to evolve not having legs decide this was a good idea? And
since I may have missed one in my question, do hyphens matter?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The earliest
snake ever to be found in the fossil record was a python, but unlike modern
pythons this prehistoric specimen was a short, stubby animal with twenty
muscular legs. It was known as the Twenty-Foot Python. But a freak mutation in
the snake’s DNA lead to it losing the hyphen thus turning it into the long,
limbless reptile we know today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nick</span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> asked Where are you going for your
holidays?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Cornwall.
It’s possible this wasn’t intended as a question for the blog but sometimes
it’s hard to know where having a chat ends and academic inquiry begins.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">And now in a new feature that reflects our efforts to keep SKOE at the forefront of cynical populism we've asked a leading British political figure to answer our final question this week: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16073589011373336013"><b><span style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Peggy Tryton</span></b></a> asked Z</span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">ombie apocalypse - yes or no?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Well exactly
and I’m hearing this on doorsteps up and down the land because in spite of what
the liberal elite with their facts and information will tell you zombies are a
real and growing problem both in my imagination and in the imagination of the
many people I’ve frightened. For instance let me finish please if a group of
zombies moved in next door to me I’d be worried and that’s not racist actually because
these zombies are white except for the occasional greeny-grey bit and more to
the point I’ve researched this anecdotally and on Netflix and it’s is
practically a fact that of the human brains feasted on by ghastly blank-eyed abominations
97% are down to zombies and yes certainly the other 3% are Heston Blumenthal but
my point is that decent hard working people alive in Britain today never voted
for this and that’s why we’re the only party brave enough to ask the question
Zombie Apocalypse Yes or No and while we’re at it Climate Change is mainly down
to gay marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That’s all
for now, but do post a question in the comments below and we’ll get the
Universe explained in its entirely before you can say Jack Robinson a billion
times incredibly slowly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-85472886213472534402014-01-30T09:20:00.001+00:002014-01-31T08:07:38.140+00:00Revolutionary Hamsters and a Two-Hundred Ton Pie<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Welcome to the blog that sets out to answer
every question you could possibly have about anything ever. Because the
universe won’t explain itself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10324436004224459855"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: Arial;">@tommo121</span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><u> </u></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u>asked: All the time we hear about the success of certain fruit-named
technology companies such as Apple and Blackberry. What ever happened to their
less-successful competitors?<o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To
observe that electronic devices are named after fruit is to tell only part of the story. Since the early days of computing there has
been fierce disagreement over whether to name these futuristic machines with cool
sounding combinations of letters and numbers or to call them after things that are nice to have for pudding. Alan Turing pioneered
the latter approach, naming his enigma-code-busting machine a Bombe after the popular
chocolate and ice-cream dessert. IBM dominated the business mainframe market in
the 50s with its two-hundred ton Lemon-Meringue Pie, and the high water-mark
was perhaps Hewlett Packard’s delivery to the Pentagon in 1962 of its awe
inspiring defence computer Death-By-Chocolate. By the 80s though the market was
dominated by electronic gizmos with more lettery-numbery names like ZX80, TI52
and R2D2, and sadly products like Tandy’s hand-held Banana and Custard or Sinclair’s
Spotted Dick languished on the shelf. But just as the health conscious 21st
century has seen fruit come to the fore as a dessert, so today’s fruit-named
technology is in the vanguard and the future market looks set to be dominated
by products such as the Apple iPie, Blackberry’s Personal Crumble and Amstrad’s
possibly ill-judged No Thank You I’ll Have the Cheeseboard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><u>Nance asked: Has it </u></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">always been cats vs. dogs in the battle for human affections?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The
sad truth of the matter is that it should never have been cats versus dogs, as
for centuries the two species had happily shared their hobbies of ruining
furniture and licking things disgustingly while the humans looked on for some
reason delighted. The cat/dog rivalry only truly began in 1897 and involved a row
over who had eaten a three day-old Schnitzel that had gone missing from behind the
back of some bins in a café in a suburb of Zagreb. This being the Balkans, what
began as a bad-tempered scuffle between a portly Spaniel named Franz and a
tabby named The Triumph of Pan-Slavism! quickly drew in cats and dogs from the
surrounding area, pitting German Shepherd against Russian Blue, and eventually
even dragging in Old English Sheepdogs, Burmese Cats and, ultimately, the vast
might of the American Shorthairs. A century of feline/canine geopolitical rivalry
followed that even now only just balances in a precarious cat/dog détente as
they eye each other warily across the shredded curtain. But this isn’t the
whole story. Recently discovered documents from the Belgrade Archive of Rodent
History reveal that the Schnitzel had in fact simply been hidden by a gang of revolutionary
hamsters. Their aim – to engineer a conflagration of cat/dog destruction across
the globe,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and then to emerge all
furry and blinking into the sunlight as humanity’s favourite surviving pet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02588797317315471188">Sarah Pgce</a></span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>asked: What would Sherlock Holmes smell like if he was real?</u></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> A
lemon tree, my dear Watson.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16073589011373336013"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Peggy Tryto</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-family: Arial;">n</span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><u> asked</u></span><u>:
How does Santa know? <o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Santa
Claus’s apparently uncanny insights into who has been naughty and who has been
nice along with his endless supply of infant consumer durables have for
centuries been the central plank of his strategy to win the hearts and minds of
the world’s children. But it was only on Boxing Day 2013 that we began to
understand where the information for his famous “twice-checked list” came from
thanks to the courageous actions of Yuletide Cheer Technician Second Class Edward
Snowman. Snowman fled Santa’s vast underground industrial complex at the North
Pole and brought with him computer records revealing extensive sharing of child
behavioural data with Mumsnet and information on vegetable consumption levels from
the National Association of School Dinner Servers. Snowman has now been granted
asylum by leading anti-Santa activist Jadis the White Witch. Speaking from her
sinister castle of ice she said that “No amount “Ho ho ho!” can disguise the
reality of Santa’s iron fist in a red furry glove.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u>Anonymous asked: When will I, will I be
famous? <o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This lyric comes of course from the 1987 hit
song by Bros. What is perhaps less well known is the unusual history of the lyrics.
Many thousands of miles away in California lived a Mrs Debra Am, a poor black
lady with three young sons, all called William, because she liked the name. As
she was very short-sighted and couldn’t tell the boys apart she numbered each son
with Roman numerals, Will I, Will II and Will III and asked that they make it
clear which one of them might be speaking at any given moment. Her oldest, Will
I harboured dreams of celebrity and every morning as the family walked to the
school bus he would ask his mother “When will I, Will I, be famous?” His
mother, like everyone in the housing projects of East LA at that time was an
enormous devotee of the works of Matt and Luke Goss and the other one, and
feeling that they might be able to help with her sons ambitions she encouraged
Will I to write to them with his question. And the rest is history. Now with
the benefit of hindsight and also foresight we are in a position to answer Will
I Am’s question, namely he is likely to be famous for about the first quarter
of the 21<sup>st</sup> century and then after that incrementally less so year
on year until by 2073 nobody at all will know who he is unless they upload his Wikipedia
entry into their hand-held wireless Strawberry Cheesecake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">That’s all for now but ask a question in the
comments below, and do it soon because in just ten billion years this universe
is likely to end, and what holds true for this universe may not apply to the
next.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-71701553222862111232013-09-25T11:19:00.000+01:002013-09-26T07:47:49.732+01:00Elk Spoons and a Surprisingly Good Deal on Golf Equipment.<!--StartFragment--><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Welcome to the blog that attempts to explain everything in the entire universe once and for all. Here are the answers to some of your questions. I hope you’re happy, and if you aren’t I don’t honestly know what you expect me to do about it.</span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <u>We have knives, forks, spoons, and chopsticks as traditional eating utensils. What other utensils have fallen into disuse for the dinner table? <o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Ever since the first cave-dweller tutted at his neighbour for using an elk spoon to eat mammoth, humans have enjoyed intimidating each-other with fancy and incomprehensible eating utensils. This quest to use cutlery to humiliate dinner guests into feeling socially inferior reached a peak in Victorian times in what historians call the Great Cutlery Bubble. A quick flick through the Imperial Silverware Manifest of 1874 turns up such treasures as the sausage wrench, the lobster catapult, the soup syringe, and the horse-drawn butter mallet. But perhaps the most magnificent eating utensil ever devised was Bishop Steadfast Dyson’s clockwork stew vortex which advertisements claimed would overcome forever “our nation’s unhappy awkwardness concerning whether to eat stew with a spoon or fork”. It consisted of a six-foot-high iron cylinder pierced by a series of mouth-sized apertures to which dinner guests’ faces could be lightly strapped. Hot stew was then poured into the cylinder and the whole thing rotated by a powerful clockwork spring at immensely high speed, forcing the stew out of the cylinder and into the mouths of the spinning guests.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The invention was simultaneously a total failure and an enormous success: as an aid to eating stew it was inconvenient to the point of fatality but as a means of terrifying dinner guests it was second only to the tiger-handled cake-slice.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><b>Aaron</b> asked <u>What is the blue flavour?</u></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It tastes like depressed chicken.</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16073589011373336013"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Peggy Tryton</span></b></a><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <span lang="EN-US">asked<u> Why are there so many murders in Midsomer?</u><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">A quick statistical analysis reveals that the county of Midsomer has about twice as many murders per head as London. To anybody who has ever supervised the queue for the donkey rides at a picturesque church fête, or attended a lecture on crochet in a village hall on a hot day wearing a scratchy tweed skirt this is entirely understandable. With no dark alleys in which to mug hapless strangers, no blighted inner-city schools to vandalise in a frenzy of alienation and not even any rocks of crack the inhabitants of Midsomer are doomed forever to bottle everything up behind a smiling veneer of non-ethnically-diverse smiles and gardening trousers. Nobody can live under such conditions, and inevitably it all comes out in a raging frenzy of lemon-curd-fuelled homicide. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><b>J-Bob</b> asked <u>Is left always left?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">No. “Left” and “right” should only really ever be used when you are in a house or on a street. At sea of course we use port and starboard, in an antiquarian bookshop there is “sinister” and “dexter” and on a farm the correct usage is “over yer” and “over thurr”. In space of course left and right become irrelevant because there is no up or down so astronauts use “clockwise” and “North”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Debsalini </span></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Why is it that when a thread has more than three comments there's always someone wanting to sell the others something?</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Like any sprawling structure with murky corners the internet is haunted. A typical supernatural online experience might be as follows: you are alone in the house, and it is dark, the only light being the feeble flicker of your annoyingly obsolete iPhone 4 which you only bought a few months ago for heaven’s sake. You stumble upon an interesting YouTube video of a cat who falls off a table when it hears the start of the Nicki Minaj classic Super Bass. It is followed by a thread of comments that debates whether or not Americans are bigoted morons or whether conversely without America England would have had it’s sorry ass whooped in the second war and then we’d all be speaking Russian. You have devised your own bon mot, a puckish reference linking the loud shirts of Texan tourists to global warming when suddenly your iPhone goes cold, or at least, drops to only twenty degrees above room temperature, and a sinister scrawl appears in front of you “Hi guys, outstanding thread! These comments are of the most engaging and I have uttered often on this topic on my own blog CheapGolfEquipmentAndViagra.com”. With a chill gathering about your heart you click on the link. But do you find further nuanced debate about international relations? No. There is nothing but the howl of the electronic wind whistling through a surprisingly good deal on Pringle jumpers. The legend goes that this malevolent comment was typed by no human fingers. It was the Invisible Hand of Market Forces. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That’s all for now. <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">If you have any questions about what makes the universe tick or can offer a surprisingly good deal on golf shoes, please leave them in the comments below. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-61452733017066580402013-05-23T13:37:00.003+01:002013-05-23T17:41:05.602+01:00The Tewksbury Council of Plurals and a Bewildered Mammoth<!--StartFragment--><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Welcome to the blog that confidently sets out to explain every aspect of everything that has ever existed, then goes a bit quiet when it realizes that that’s quite a big ask, then resolves to really give it a go anyway. Here we present the latest answers to your questions… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a></u><b><u><span style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">asked: Who invented tax-collecting? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Collecting anything can be a fascinating hobby, although to be honest it often is not. As a boy I collected stamps, as a teenager I collected anxieties, and now in adulthood I enjoy nothing more than sitting on a sofa collecting dust. But my Great Uncle Emlyn was the only person I have come across with a collection of taxes. His favourite among these was a Cat Tax, instituted by the French government in 1763 and prompting a widespread sell-off of cats. The cat shortage that followed lead to the Mouse Tax of 1764, which proved to be an administrative nightmare. Also in his collection were the Watchmakers Duty or “Tick Tock Tax”; and the Small Ornaments and Glaziers’ Materials Levy of 1958, or “Nick Knack Putty Tax”. In fact my great uncle was just one tax short of collecting every tax ever imposed when he died in October 1973. His estate was wound up (he had been a lifelong advocate of the clockwork car), and his collection broken up and sold in order to pay his newly-incurred inheritance tax, thus simultaneously completing and destroying his collection. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/01444686428563536996"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Peggy</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/02/alien-chocolate-and-fossilised-tartar.html?showComment=1331052473785#c8297204831660029267"><span style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></a>asked: </u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">As Britain gets very little sun, how does the Shadow Cabinet function?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">By forming a Shadow Puppet Government.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance also asked:</span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US"> </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">How many generations or years did it take to reduce the regular size of a dog breed to make one that fits in a handbag or baby-sling? Are there any popular big dog breeds that are shrinking?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Our beliefs about how and why we have tiny dogs was turned on its head in 1987. Up to that point received opinion was that dogs were indeed gradually getting smaller, possibly as a result of erosion or being washed at the wrong temperature, and scientists postulated that the earliest dogs might well have been forty or fifty feet high. Then deep inside a limestone cave in France archeologists stumbled on a painting of a mammoth hunt. In an ornate animal-skin bag worn over the shoulder one of the hunters appears to be carrying a bulgy-eyed, scrawny and unusually horrid tiny dog. In our modern era we know that dogs like this cause bewilderment and nausea in anyone who sees them. We can only assume that the dog in the picture was about to be used by the prehistoric hunters to really get on the mammoth’s nerves, causing it to roll its eyes and tut at the repulsive yappy freak just long enough for the hunters to catch the mammoth and kill it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u>A-aron asked:</u></span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u> Where do flies bodies go when they die? </u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">They go to fly body heaven, which is also spider heaven.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Alisoun Truggmakyr asked:</span></b><span lang="EN-US"> </span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u>What is the plural of anonymous?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The Tewksbury Council Of Plurals of 1621 was perhaps the most shameful episode in the history of English spelling. After a sensible morning spent adding s to things, thus agreeing that the plural of “an apple” would be “some apples” and so forth, the committee adjourned for lunch to a nearby tavern, only returning some hours later to finish their work almost too drunk to stand and certainly too drunk to say “some mouses” “some gooses” or “some octopuses”. The clerk of the council tried to keep up with the increasingly slurred and random plurals but it was a lost cause, and by the time they got to “anonymous” the officially agreed plural appears to be<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“some-on-some-mices”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That’s all for now, but remember, if there’s anything at all that puzzles you about everything that’s ever existed, real or hypothetical, then why not write it in the comments below and our team of world-class conjecturers and idle speculationists may get back to you with a state-of-the-art explanation in due course, or even sooner. That’s the Some Kind of Explanation guarantee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-29423120934378135422013-02-27T22:57:00.000+00:002013-05-23T13:52:29.938+01:00Vikings, Duvets and Meaningless Revelry<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Welcome to the blog that sets out
to explain everything once and for all for the rest of time. Here are the answers to some of your
recent questions.</span></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> asked According to historical records, who was the first
person to sign a secret diary, rant or poison pen letter with
"Anonymous"?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Until the 15<sup>th</sup> century
social convention decreed that people sign their names to every single document
no matter how offensive or contentious. This lead to embarrassment, acts of
revenge and quite boring Valentine’s Days. Then in 1487 a particularly
unpleasant poem entitled “Three-and-twenty Reasons forwhy Alisoun Truggmakyr is
an Rottyn Bytche” was nailed to the side of a well in Devizes, Wilthsire. It
was signed simply “Anonymous”. The towns-people gathered round puzzling over
the meaning of the new word until Sir Godfrey deBodfrey stepped forward and
announced that it meant that the name of the author was secret. When asked how
he knew this, Sir Godfrey went red and began talking about the weather. The new
word immediately became a part of the language, and Godfrey deBodfrey was
pushed into the well by Alisoun Truggmakyr.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><b>Scott</b> asked </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">How do they
get the non-stick surface of a non-stick frying pan to stick to the pan itself?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">By not using a stick. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">@ComedyPunkz</span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> asked </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Why is bed more warm & comfy on
weekday mornings than on weekend mornings?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Etienne Duvet’s pioneering methodology
for lying in bed thinking about stuff, Bedpoststructuralism, posits that the reality
of the external world recedes as the self snuggles further under the covers.
This means that to the snoozer the outside world only has meaning in so far as
it is not as nice as the bed. It therefore follows that the colder and more
horrid the outside world the cosier the bed must therefore always already be.
Thus on a cold weekday in February in Croydon the whole idea of getting out of
bed collapses in on itself, and shortly thereafter so does the person trying to
get up, a concept known as Indifférance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Julian:</span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> Who actually put the bomp in the bop-she-bop-she-bop?
While we're at it, who put the ram in the ram-a-lang-a-ding-dong? And most
importantly, what on earth are either of them, and why?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">If you look carefully you’ll see
that there isn’t a “bomp” in the “bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop” (you’ll see I’m using
use the Folio spelling “shoo” which I think is more widely accepted than
“she”). It’s just “bops” and “shoos”. In fact a hoax internet “bomp” alert such
as yours is likely to attract the attention of the law, with the police
spending thousands of pounds of taxpayers money on a disproportionate and
ill-considered prosecution of your threatening behaviour, and rightly so. Meanwhile
“Ram” is the Biblical figure Ram, son of Hezron and forbear of King David, and
it was added to the a-lang-a-ding-dong by Oliver Cromwell in1653 replacing the
earlier “Hey-nonny-a-lang-a-ding-dong” which Cromwell regarded as “most foul
and meaningless revelry”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Chelsea: </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Why is Iceland green and Greenland ice?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The sagas of Gunnbjörn Ulfsson,
Erik the Red and the Viking settlement of Iceland and Greenland are well known,
but posterity has been less kind to the exploits of 10<sup>th</sup> century
practical joker Sigurd the Sign-Swapper who sailed throughout the known world
making things confusing for everyone else for his own selfish amusement,
eventually returning home to spend his declining years in the remote Danish
village of Beirut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">That’s all for this month, but why not subtract from the sum of human bewilderment by posting a question in the comments section below? Just a small effort on your part will make an immeasurable difference to future generations.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-7080195943260036932013-02-01T00:09:00.002+00:002013-02-06T16:58:31.628+00:00Laissez-Faire Llamas and a Globe Full of Snow<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #adadad; font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Welcome
to another installment of the blog that knows all the answers to everything in
the universe, but doesn’t like to go on about it.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #adadad; font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span>
<div style="color: #adadad;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri;">Nance asked <u>How do you get snow into a snow globe? </u></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Snow
globe construction is as simple in theory as it is hard in practice. A trained
snow-globe trapper simply scours the arctic in summer looking for a suitable
micro-climate. Then he waits. As soon as the weather turns snowy he scoops the
clouds up into a hand-blown glass dome and glues an ugly plastic miniature
village to the bottom, inverts it, then begins the long trek back south to civilization and
its gift shops.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><a href="https://twitter.com/alexthomp18"><u style="text-underline: #87923B;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #adadad; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@</span></u><u style="text-underline: #87923B;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">alexthomp18</span></u></a></span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> <u><span lang="EN-US">I gave a cat some
dog food. Can anything bad happen as a result?</span></u><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Yes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">1) Your cat will hate you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">2) Your dog will hate you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">3) Your dog will hate your cat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Isn’t there already enough hate in the
world?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">candyflossandvodka</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> asked <u>What
is the probability that llamas will take over the world in 2013? </u></span></div>
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This
cannot possibly happen, for the simple reason that llamas have already taken
over the world. You might think that this explains a lot about why the world is
in such a sorry state and add that our llama masters have made a pretty poor
fist of managing the planet, but the truth is that llamas feel it’s
inappropriate to meddle in the day to day affairs of humans or indeed any other
species, including llamas. Some might term the llama’s attitude laissez-faire
free market economics but the truth is that llamas are just massively passive
aggressive, as you can tell by their facial expressions.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.imagenesdeposito.com/animales/2112/llama+casi+sonriendo.html" style="color: #927c04; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://fotos.imagenesdeposito.com/imagenes/l/llama_casi_sonriendo-2112.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 2px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 2px; border-right-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 2px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 2px; height: 129px; margin-top: 7px; width: 129px;" /></a></div>
</div>
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad; margin-left: 36pt;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> "I'm <i>totally</i> fine actually" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12347761587707437261"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Robert Hudson</span></a></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> <u><span lang="EN-US">On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with
the red roses?</span></u><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The poor wolf is probably deeply uncomfortable. Not only is it a hot, humid night and he's stuck wearing fur, but his date has clearly stood him up. Now he's sat there sweltering and clutching his rather over-the-top bouquet feeling like an idiot. I'd offer him a whisky and soda and book him a cab.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">@slepkane <u>Why is a watch called a
watch?</u> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When the first portable timepieces
appeared in 14<sup>th</sup> century Florence they were as much for prestige as punctuality.
Any nobleman wealthy enough to own a “clocetto” as they were then known would
have no real need to turn up on time to anything, but would instead expect
people patiently to await his arrival, and so the clocetto had just one hand which
indicated the month. Nor was convenience a consideration for anyone with a
retinue of servants, so the clocettos were carried about by twenty or thirty
footmen, or in one case a team of dray elephants. With neither size nor
functionality imposing any limitations on design the clocettos became all about
spectacle. Cosmo da Grazia’s clocetto featured life-sized wooden models enacting
the racier bits from Boccaccio’s Decameron while the Duke of Panini’s was
decorated with battling Greek triremes on a real lake. Thus when one nobleman casually
met another in the Piazza he might ask “if he had the right month on him”,
prompting the latter to get out his clocetto. This would result in a
spectacular contest of competing displays lasting several hours, always
introduced with the one word “Watch!” Only in 14<sup>th</sup> century Italian
obviously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #adadad;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">If you have been affected by any of the
issues raised in this blog I am frankly astonished. However, why not add to the
sum of human knowledge by asking your own question in the comments below. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--></span><br />
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-32558377708328327012012-12-30T06:25:00.001+00:002012-12-30T06:26:13.086+00:00Hollywood musicals and the Metropolitan Rat Board<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">More from the
blog that sets out to provide an explanation for everything in the universe by
answering your questions. New special safety feature: in an emergency this blog
can be printed out and used as paper.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><a href="https://twitter.com/tghelani"><span style="color: windowtext; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><o:p></o:p></span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><a href="https://twitter.com/tghelani"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@tghelani</span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> <u>How do islands stay afloat and in
place?</u></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></u><b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Although islands do indeed seem to be
afloat this is actually not the case. I<span style="color: #262626;">slands are
lumps of rock, sand and millionaires that are in an extremely low geostationary
orbit; so low in fact that they are mostly stuck in the sea with only a bit sticking
out. Like other moons and satellites, islands feel the pull of gravity but
their angular velocity is sufficiently high that they move around Earth rather
than falling towards it so it looks like they are fixed in place. You should
always take care when going to an island that you don’t slow it down or it will
fall out of orbit and sink, drenching your tent and ruining your holiday,
unless you’ve gone to Anglesey in which case you won’t notice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nance</span></b></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <u>Why was good King Wenceslaus out looking on the
feast of Stephen?</u> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This is a slight misquotation, as the popular carol begins thus:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Good King Wenceslas looked out<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">On the Feast of Stephen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The Feast of Stephen was a notoriously dangerous day for the Bohemian
nobility in the 9<sup>th</sup> and 10<sup>th</sup> Centuries. In Czech
tradition the martyrdom of Stephen was commemorated by the giving of cakes but
over time this charming tradition had become a conduit for feelings of social discontent,
with the ruling classes being given heavier and heavier cakes at higher and
higher velocities. Thus in 891AD Duke Vratislavalamp died when he was hit on
the head by a suet and iron pudding dropped on him from the spire of St Vitus
cathedral and in 913AD Wenceslas’s cousin Elastovlast was run through by a metal
pudding in the shape of a giant arrow fired from a giant crossbow. Thus on that
day of all days Wenceslas decided he had better “look out”. The monarch was no
doubt alarmed by the sight of an approaching peasant with an armful of wood and
fearing a high-velocity “Yule Log” he immediately set off to shower the man
with gifts taking with him a page as a human shield.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/helenarney"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #adadad; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">helenarney</span></a><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> <u><span lang="EN-US">Is
it true that we're never more than 3ft from a rat in London?<o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Yes. Up until 1947 rat distribution in Britain’s
cities was appallingly haphazard. Indeed the rat supply throughout Europe had hitherto
traditionally been left to unregulated private enterprise, so that the entire
rat supply system could easily be manipulated for profit by maverick
entrepreneurs with magical pipes. Citizens literally had no idea where the next
rat might be coming from. Step forward Evelyn Sysor, MP for Norwood who championed
the establishment of London’s Metropolitan Rat Board, a state-run system of pneumatic
tubes under the streets and houses of London. Now twenty-four hours a day rats can
be shoved up drainpipes by trained staff and are propelled swiftly and silently
to any part of the capital where there may be two consecutive rat-free yards. There
has recently been talk of a statue commemorating Syssor’s remarkable
achievement, but detractors have pointed out that actually nobody really wanted
him to do any of it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/Testudo_aubreii"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #adadad; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Testudo_aubreii</span></a><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> <u><span lang="EN-US">Would
life be better if it followed the rules of Hollywood musicals?</span></u><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Life does follow the rules of Hollywood Musicals, just
not the ones that have been commercially successful. Executives at MGM still
wince at the memory of Rodgers and Hart’s box-office fiasco <u>Those Kids Have
Been Getting On My Tits All Day</u> in which Shirley Temple sang “Mommy, I Hate
this Broccoli”, but it set the benchmark for children’s behaviour for the next
five decades. Warner Brothers’ lost a packet on Burt Bacharach’s <u>Me and My
Crappy Job</u> and even Disney were left licking their wounds after the
straight-to-video disaster <u>Admin of the Arctic</u>, the tale of a lemming
whose pension documents are in hopeless disarray until he is helped by a kindly
auk. The lemming’s song “Filing Without Wings” was later re-versioned with some
success by Westlife.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">That’s all for this year but do ask a question in the
comments below as I am confident that 2013 will be the year we get the universe
explained once and for all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-76652222851470713812012-12-01T00:51:00.001+00:002012-12-01T08:30:26.803+00:00Triple-Decker Buses and the Apostrophe of Evil<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> More from the blog that confidently sets out to answer every possible question in the universe, but struggles a bit when it comes to setting realistic goals.</span><br />
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Julian </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> asked <u>Has anybody ever built a
triple-decker bus?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">When in 1897 Hennimore Phayres invented the double-decker omnibus he
became the toast of London. Fame suited him, and he rode around his native
Clapham on the top deck of one of his creations telling anyone who would listen
of his inventing prowess. Phayres tried to repeat his success the following
year with a triple-decker bus and in order not to fall foul of local planning
bye-lays he expanded the passenger accommodation on his buses downwards to form
a basement. Hennimore’s magnificent new vehicles were fully twenty-three feet
from top to bottom, but seven feet of this was below road level and the new
buses required an extensive network of trenches which played havoc with the
sewer system and in the end the project was abandoned. Fearing disgrace and
financial ruin Phayres absconded with a large quantity of bus company funds and
was never seen again, though for many years enraged bus company employees
persistently searched the capital’s buses shouting his name.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/05015401998517522442"><b><span style="color: #3076aa; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Miss Pear</span></b></a>
<u>Where is the lid?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Don’t look at me. I’m not the one helping myself to jam at 11.00 at
night. No don’t do that face. You’d look a lot less guilty without a smear of raspberry
up your nose. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10324436004224459855"><span style="color: #3076aa; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@tommo121</span></a>
</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u>Since the construction of 'the gherkin'
in London, sales of gherkins and other pickles have risen. So why aren't other
vegetable-shaped buildings "cropping up" everywhere?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It’s not for want of trying. Residents of Dorset still remember with
dismay The Swanage Caulifower, a two-hundred foot high steel and concrete
floret that for a time was headquarters to the World Brassica Corporation. For
much of the 70s the building dominated the small seaside town until a freak
accident at a nearby dairy-processing plant during a high wind resulted in the structure
being coated in a thick layer of melted cheese, rendering it simultaneously
uninhabitable and delicious. The ghastly story of the Epping Swede is too
horrific to go into in a family blog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nanc</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial;">e</span></b></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <u>Is the apostrophe becoming a banished mark in
grammar? I see there replacing they're and its for it's (or worse dont for
don't) in numerous texts, tweets, and emails. Is this some kind of bigger plot
against the maligned point of punctuation? What's to be done?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It is well known that spelling in Shakespeare’s day was based on a
system of free-form improvisation. What is perhaps less well-documented is the
state of punctuation in those happy times. Look at any writing from the 17<sup>th</sup>
century and you will see it was populated by exotic and imaginative punctuation
marks roaming more or less at will: commas and full stops existed in abundance
of course, though they were wilder in those days; but there were pilcrows too,
and tildes, hederas, guillemets, and even here or there a mighty
capitulum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then the dark times
came. Distrustful of the apparent free-for-all in 1732 a coterie of wealthy
grammarians lead by Trismegistus Stickler, an apostrophe manufacturer from Leatherhead,
petitioned parliament to adopt the Great Punctuation Act, containing “Four
Hundred and Twenty-Seven Simple Rules for the Correct Arrangement of His
Majesty’s English.” Overnight people who had happily punctuated words as the
mood took them were made to feel that whatever they wrote was somehow bound to
be wrong. And that oppression continues to this very day. For years the flame
of resistance was kept alive only on grocery stall price-tags for potato’s.
¶But now with a mighty randomly ~ punctuated «ROAR» the fight^back is beginning ⁄
Join us & victory shall be our’s §<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08278016230071746743"><b><span style="color: #3076aa; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">becca_mcgee</span></b></a>
<u>If we're not supposed to put cotton buds into our ears what exactly are we
supposed to do with them?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">They are for brightening up your bathroom. Put the cotton buds in a vase
with some water and they will bloom into cotton blossoms. They look pretty in
an arrangement with chrome-plated shower roses and a spray of Cif.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That's all for November's instalment as I see it is now December. But why not defy the relentless encroachment of time by asking this blog a question of your own in the space below?</span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-8988960232548694322012-10-31T23:58:00.002+00:002012-11-01T00:11:39.053+00:00Aztec Dry Cleaning and Fish in Boots<!--[if !mso]>
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More from the blog that answers
your questions about the mysteries of the universe.<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">candyflossandvodka </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <u>Is 'Dry-Clean Only' a polite suggestion, or will the world plunge into
a swirling vortex of misery and despair if that instruction is not followed?<o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It’s
too early to tell. When in 1874 the immaculately turned-out explorer Ernest Sketchley
stumbled across a ruined temple in the heart of the Mexican jungle he made an
astonishing find. On the frontispiece of the altar was a beautiful carving of
what archeologists believe was an Aztec mohair cardigan. Etched into the stone
work above it were a series of mysterious symbols: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKXMi6DH8nqCTilZbuLz8o8d-glXNSd45SvHTNUKs_1gd3YrVio22Y38EzRLVvNkw0-QCJoWNU4tRheT9EGaIb_Wjfn-ao1D7DsbW6MZZdsOAjOGFnO13r-GT9yY-QRTAXTlv76wi-AKY/s1600/symbols+photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKXMi6DH8nqCTilZbuLz8o8d-glXNSd45SvHTNUKs_1gd3YrVio22Y38EzRLVvNkw0-QCJoWNU4tRheT9EGaIb_Wjfn-ao1D7DsbW6MZZdsOAjOGFnO13r-GT9yY-QRTAXTlv76wi-AKY/s1600/symbols+photo.jpg" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><a href="http://signsanddisplays.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/garment-care-bleaching-symbols.jpg"><span style="color: #e6472f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><o:p></o:p></span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Sketchley
realized at once that he had stumbled upon the fabled Laundry Of The Gods, but
his happiness was short-lived. Eye witness accounts tell how as the great
explorer approached the sacred altar his jumper seemed to shrink about him, the
colours on his shirt ran, his trousers went all wrinkly and one of his socks
became inexplicably lost. He died of what his physician described as a “fatal
dishevelment”. News spread and the public were terrified that the curse of the Laundry
of the Gods might spread, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>soon
across the world clothing manufacturers began to sew the symbols into their
wares as a kind of talisman to ward off the anger of the gods, a tradition that
continues to this day. While we still do not know the exact meanings of the
Aztec inscriptions some believe they carry a stark warning about garment care
to future generations. Others believe that if you just chuck everything in the
machine at once it will probably all be fine. But dare we run the risk? Dare
we?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08726108921598331518"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Clangerfan1</span></b></a><u>
asked: </u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Why aren't there more hedgehogs in the world?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">People
often like to leave a saucer of milk out for their local hedgehog, but this
kind-hearted act can have disastrous consequences for the hedgehog’s unique
digestive system. Enzymes in cow’s milk react inside the hedgehog’s stomach to
create a kind of inferior cottage cheese and a large quantity of hydrogen. As
the hydrogen expands the hedgehog’s density drops and in the cool night air the
hedgehog begins to float upwards, faster and faster, gaining in size and
buoyancy until on the edge of the ionosphere it explodes in a spiky, cheesy
ball of blue flame in the phenomenon we know as a “tiggy burst”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nance</span></b></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <u>Why
do people use the adjectives "ice" and "downhill" to
describe hockey and skiing? Is hockey on ice and skiing down a hill the norm
rather than the exception in sports?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">No.
Consider the sport of Tennis, which over the years has been popular as Real
Tennis, Lawn Tennis, Clay Court Tennis, Table Tennis, Chair Tennis, Shelf
Tennis, Fake Tennis, Telephone Tennis, and Horse Tennis. Ice Hockey and
Downhill Skiing are merely the modern versions of age old sports and it’s as
well to keep the distinctions clear for whenever a new<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>version of the sport comes along, like
Downhill Hockey or Australian Rules Skiing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/BrokenAntler"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Broken Antler</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">
</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #adadad; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #adadad; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">BrokenAntler</span></a>
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Why did the first fish to grow legs
decide this was a good idea?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Since time immemorial this is a question
that has baffled both scientists and fish. We now know that around 400 million
years ago a pair of leg-like limbs first appeared on a coelacanth. We don’t
know her name, but let’s call her Sue. Surprisingly, scientists have observed
that Sue’s “legs” were unsuitable for walking or swimming and probably made her
vulnerable to predators, so it seems likely that Sue was instead using her
primitive legs to make some kind of pioneering fashion statement. The fossil
record backs up this theory as Sue’s remains were found sporting a pair of
bright orange thigh-length platform boots inside the stomach of an early shark.
What the other fish thought of all this we can only conjecture, although in the
same stratum of Devonian rock other nearby coelacanths appear to be rolling
their eyes and tutting. The second fish to grow legs was a lungfish called
Julie who went on to colonise the land wearing a pair of sturdy but dull
loafers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">If you have enjoyed this blog why not go
on to live a long and fulfilling life enriching the lives of those around you
with innumerable acts of love and kindness? You could start by asking a
question in the comments below…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com82tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-74502994641802890472012-10-04T22:18:00.002+01:002012-10-04T22:19:33.633+01:00Two Years Explaining the Universe<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Some Kind of Explanation is
two years old today, and already the blog that aims to explain every mystery in
the universe has explained 203 of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve no idea how many that leaves, but we must be well on the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are some of my favourite explanations
of the last two years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">What is the one weird old tip that will
help me lose belly fat?</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">My Great Uncle Emlyn, a keen Methodist, had a job in Smithfield meat
market collecting unwanted offcuts to deliver to the tallow chandler. One day
while taking some pork trimmings to Walthamstow a strange old man with
home-made shoes told him to wager a shilling on Velvet Kipper to place in the
Cheltenham Gold Cup. Although he had never gambled before Uncle Emlyn felt
strangely drawn to enter the bookies to place a bet. He won seventeen shillings
and sixpence! However, in his excitement my uncle completely forgot the bag
containing twenty-two pounds of belly fat. Exactly the same thing could work
for you. Except I suppose we’ve gone decimal, so it won’t.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Is terracotta red, orange, or brown?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">No, that’s autumn leaves. Terracotta is a Sardinian dessert made out of
milk and clay</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Why do Americans drop the “u” when they
spell words like neighbour, colour, and humour, but leave it in other words
like contour and velour? </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">The American Declaration of Independence (or as it was known in Britain
“Fine, See If We Care”) was followed by immensely difficult years for the
newly-formed US government. Up to that point the erstwhile colonies had
imported all letters of the alphabet from Britain, but in an attempt to
undermine the prestige and name of the newly-formed USA in 1776 the British
banned all trans-Atlantic trade in the letter U. The Americans were determined
to keep the U in pride of place in their new nation’s name and so made
sacrifices elsewhere, salvaging non-essential “u”s from words like “honour”,
“harbour” and “elephaunt” (a usage that eventually became adopted back in
Britain too) to keep the new national sobriquet intact. As the blockade
continued patriotic mums became “moms” and farmers exchanged their ploughs for
plows while ukulele players took up the banjo. Eventually however the masses
complained of this hand-to-moth existence, and there was even talk of a second
revoltion so that by winter 1789 the Fonding Fathers had to face up to the
possibility of becoming a Nited States of America. But as grim preparations
were made tomake do without the letter U altogether and George Washington
prepared a sombre State of the Onion address a French schooner, L’Ululation, carrying
several tons of fresh letter “u”s wrapped in the finest contoured velour broke
the British blockade of the ports. The Americans fell on the vowel-rich
cargo and the letter flooded back into the New World. But the years of shortage
had left their scars and American spelling was never the same again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Which is best, Earl Grey or Normal?</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">It depends. Earl Grey was a British prime minister famous for liking the
strong citrus aroma of Bergamot oil, which he added liberally to everything.
This worked very well in tea, but history has been less kind to Earl Grey
Mashed Potato; Earl Grey Trousers; and the infamous Earl Grey Elephant, which
rampaged furiously through both Houses of Parliament dripping with
strong-smelling unguent until it was finally put to sleep with a reading from
one of Benjamin Disraeli’s early novels. The story of Thomas Normal who amassed
a great fortune by not adding Bergamot to a range of every-day products is too
well-known to need repeating here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Are there really people who can’t
understand what to do when they approach roundabouts?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Yes. Most people can’t understand what to do and this condition is
unaffected by proximity to roundabouts.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial;">Who invented scissors?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial;">Scissors weren’t invented, they were discovered in Massachusetts in 1749 by Jeddadeddadiah Lowell who came across two knives that had been riveted together with a thunder bolt during a mechanical storm (the standard kind of storm before Benjamin Franklin’s invention of the electrical storm two years later). Excited by his discovery he picked up the scissors and ran home to show his family but tripped, and was naturally killed instantly.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">How do you pronounce “nougat”?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #141414; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You don’t pronounce nougat. The <i>N</i> is mute, as in “Damn”.
The <i>O</i> is silent, like in the word “people”. The <i>U</i> is
not sounded, as in “guide”. The<i> G,</i> like the g in “gnat”, is
implied rather than said. And the <i>A</i> is unspoken, like in
“aisle”. Nougat is a French word of course, and so as in “chalet” we don’t say
the <i>T.</i> This means that nougat is onomatopoeic, since the noise
of saying it mimics the sound it makes. This is what linguists call a
pronounced silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">That's all for now, but if you have enjoyed this blog you might
also enjoy brownies, the poetry of Edward Thomas, breeding mice for fun and
profit, or water-skiing. I simply have no way of telling. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-18155535865241415592012-09-30T16:34:00.003+01:002012-09-30T16:54:21.668+01:00"It's me not you" and the Rules about Sofas<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Welcome to the blog that answers your
questions about everything in the entire universe throughout all recorded time, weather permitting. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">@clangerfan1 <u>Is it ever ok to eat
Wotsits on the sofa?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Unfortunately not. The principles governing
what can and cannot be eaten on a sofa were drawn up by The Royal Guild of Upholsterers
at the Council of Chesterfield in 1573. The fourth paragraph reads “Also herewith
forbidden on any settee, easie chaire or Pouffe by this Auctoritee is the consumption
of chese or mete that hath byn toasted or grilled by any means whatsoever, or
resolved into a form of any mooreish Snacke not yet discovered.” The haphazard
spelling of the Chesterfield Statutes lead to the Case of Regina versus Walkers
Crisps (1974), when the makers of Wotsits claimed that “mooreish” here meant “of
North African Islamic origin”. Walkers won, and for two years in the mid
seventies Wotsits were eaten on all kinds of upholstered furniture but the
decision was reversed following an appeal in the High Court by The Noble Fellowship
of Kebab Carvers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nance</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/08/ravens-santa-and-shower-tray-of-death.html?showComment=1346950043522#c4499787982882981505"><span style="color: #3076aa; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> </span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u> Is the statement, "No, it's me, not you," always a lie? </u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">No. It would be true, for example, in the following conversation between
this week’s guest incompatible couple Jatalie and Timpert.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Jatalie: <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Are
you breaking up with me because I am someone who is only able to deal with
emotionally-charged situations by resorting to trite platitudes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Timpert: <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No,
it’s me, not you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">@amticketyboo<u> </u></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"><u>Why is Richard Marx waiting for me right there?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh dear. I’m afraid there’s been a
terrible misunderstanding. Pop/rock singer-songwriter Richard Marx isn’t right <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there</i>. He was right <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">here,</i> waiting for you. He turned up in 1989 and moped around the
kitchen for 22 years droning on about his non-specific heart problems and
whether you’d maybe misunderstood the arrangements. In the end I had to ask him
to leave as his haircut was becoming a liability.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">candyflossandvodka </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><u>Who would win
in a fight? An orange or a lemon?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">A lemon is sharper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="https://twitter.com/GrassRootsMgr"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #adadad; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">@</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #878787; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">GrassRootsMgr</span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> <u>Which has helped
advance humanity the most, gloves or shoes?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">We have certainly come a long way in shoes, but there
are still some areas where gloves have the upper hand, as anyone who has tried
to take a casserole out of the oven using a stiletto slingback can attest. Mittens
on the other hand have only held humanity back. Since Vaarsijd Innsijd’s
invention of the mitten in sixth century Norway over 140,000 days have been
spent looking for lost children’s mittens, the equivalent of 5.1 parents’
entire lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">@Testudo_Aubreii<u> What would the world be
like if water moved under its own volition instead of going where gravity told
it to?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Our best illustration of this is perhaps
the events following the Wilson government’s nationalization of gravity in August
1967. Unfortunately the newly-formed British Weight Board and the National
Water Council could not agree on who had responsibility for making water go
downhill, and in the absence of any effective regulation several small rivers began
to go uphill and Lake Windermere slowly tipped on its side, making it popular for
downhill water-skiing. More confusion was to come in October when rain across
the country began to fall up as well as down, and by November ceiling baths had
become the norm and sales had rocketed for umbrellington boots. Wilson
effectively ended the crisis that month, reassuring the nation that water
weighed the same as it always had in his famous “the pound in your bucket”
speech, and emergency legislation was passed throughout England bringing water
back under the laws of physics. However by an oversight the legislation failed
to mention Wales, where to this day rain comes at you from every possible
direction. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">That’s all for now. Next time why not try
Some Kind of Explanation with a generous helping of homemade custard?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-62029422061373620752012-08-31T23:13:00.001+01:002012-08-31T23:17:48.770+01:00Ravens, Santa and the Shower Tray of Death <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">More of your questions about the universe answered by someone who has actually lived there all his life. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06363048468771436280"><b><span style="color: #3f9cfa; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Truf</span></b></a> <u>(from my 6 year old) </u></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Are Santa and God real?</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Think of a Christmas present. It has been wrapped carefully. It contains a wondrous gift of intricacy and beauty. Could this object really have got here by the chance collisions of plastic and metal components (but not batteries obviously) over millions of years? Of course not, Richard so-called Dawkins! So it completely logically follows that some intelligent and benign force must have fashioned it in a workshop at the North Pole and brought it to your house in a hypersonic sledge. And that mystical being is what believers call Santa. As for God, I’m afraid that’s just your eternal father in heaven dressed up in a beard trying to make Christmas feel “special”.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">@tghelani <u>What is hair for?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Hair is to stop the shampoo from flowing straight onto the floor of the shower.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/discussion/user/id/10366359"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #164574; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Sthen0</span></b></a></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> I want to know who put the empty peanut butter jar back in the cupboard?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s possible you may have children. There’s no need to panic about this: if you leave out food and money a typical child infestation will clear up of its own accord after around 18 years, coming back after that only to raid the fridge and leave their laundry for the next three years. Then moving back in for a further four years. Then finally moving out and never bothering to write or phone. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 47.0pt 72.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">anotherartstudent</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <u>Why is a raven like a writing desk?<o:p></o:p></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The ways in which ravens are like writing desks are countless. For example both are solid objects, both have legs and both can fly upside-down except writing desks. But the question is not “In what way is a raven like a writing desk?” but “why?” And that “why?” is a howl of despair from the man who formulated it, Lewis Carroll. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is not widely known that Carroll’s most famous works, <u>Alice in Wonderland</u> and <u>Alice Through the Looking Glass</u> were originally part of a trilogy written one hot summer in a poorly-lit house with huge windows near some rocky cliffs. Carroll, having just completed his third book, spent the evening reading extracts aloud to an appreciative local sherry bottle. Tired but elated he then retired to his study but tragically in the gloom rather than placing his manuscript in the drawer of his ink-stained, quill-covered writing desk he accidentally placed it in the beak of a large raven who happened to be there. The raven turned and flew off through the open window and the book was lost. Many years later Luke Oddbutter, a local birdwatcher, found an abandoned nest high on a crag lined with the now-illegible pages of <u>Alice in Space</u>. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">@clangerfan1 <u>Why do butter, cheese and steak all have their own knives? <o:p></o:p></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">It makes them feel safe on the streets, but the irony is that it only leads to more violence. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/13531210553045916687"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">suk_pannu</span></b></a></span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Why doesn't anyone make a 700mm x 800mm shower tray with a left handed waste? Is there a chirality about shower trays I'm not getting or is it, as we've long suspected, a global conspiracy?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have for some time dreaded this coming up but I undertook to answer every question and I must honour that promise no matter what the consequences be, or indeed are. So… in 1973 a meeting was held in a secret underground bunker inside a larger secret underground bunker in Bunker Hill, Massachusetts. Present were the heads of the CIA, Mossad, the Stasi, the KGB, The Quakers, The Sweet and The </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Académie </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Fran</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-size: 26.0pt;">ç</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">aise. The purpose of that meeting only became clear last year when in the archives of the Marylebone Cricket Club a young researcher came across a catalogue of non-standard bathroom fittings and on the cover a hastily-scrawled – Hang on! What are you doing in my house? Get out! Wait a minute! I know you! You’re….. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.<o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 24px;"></span>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-13987173547067967672012-07-25T23:20:00.000+01:002012-07-25T23:20:44.997+01:00Better Olympics, Business Rats, and the End of Everything<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">More answers to your questions about the universe from the blog that answers your questions about the universe.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> <div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16073589011373336013"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Peggy Tryton</span></b></a> asked <u>Nature or nurture?</u><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In other words is our character determined by our genes, or by our environment? Many efforts have been made to resolve this most fundamental question. Notable among these was the 1923 Nature versus Nurture football match on Tooting Common, London. The Nature team took an early lead with their instinctive ball skills, but by the second half the superior training and fitness of the Nurture team looked likely to produce an equaliser when HG Wells ran onto the pitch and bit the referee and the match was abandoned. By 1975 methods were more sophisticated when Professor Batsen D Belfroi took ten infant laboratory rats and swapped them with ten human babies. The babies were kept in warm and comfortable conditions with regular water and exercise and all the nuts and seeds they could fit in their cheeks while the rats were brought up by pushy middle class human families who then used their contacts to get them jobs in management. The rats went on to work with some success for a variety of high-profile firms including Lehmann Brothers, News International and Barclays but in the end they resigned in disgust at the corporate culture. The babies grew up to start a lucrative muesli and rope-gnawing business. Asked what induced him to undertake such a grotesque experiment Belfroi said – “I blame society, or else I guess that’s just what I’m like.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/15942359504874275065"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Invisible Man</span></b></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span><u><span style="font-family: Arial;">Why are so many pages intentionally left bank?</span></u><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Those are all the unwritten rules.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/07935088780461825341"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Fran</span></b></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> How come one never stubs a toe or bangs one's funny bone in private? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I think this is just you. More than that I think this is your superpower. Before you go all sulky and say “What a rubbish superpower! Why can’t I fly, or pick up metal with my brain, or go green and super-strong when I’m cross?” please consider the feelings of the vast majority of the rest of us who have no superpower at all, stop complaining, and work out how you are going to use your gift to fight crime. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/13864835743969656978"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">fatboyfat</span></b></a><u><span style="font-family: Arial;"> Why don’t we all fly off the world as it spins? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">No thanks. I’ve just had a big lunch.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nance</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/07/cold-calling-cahoots-and-quantum-cats.html?showComment=1342756790294#c747069880312820882"><span style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> </span></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">What sports are under review for consideration in the next Olympic games?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The International Olympic Committee is currently debating this. The current candidates are -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Beach darts<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Post-Modern Pentathlon<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Synchronised Enjoying a Beer, a Smoke and a Car.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: -18.0pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Mushroom<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Of these, Beach darts offers the televisual magic of athletes in bikinis, with the caveat that the athletes are all middle-aged alcoholics. Post-modern Pentathlon presents the exciting spectacle of super-fit men and women competing to deconstruct literary texts with only a pair of swimming trunks, a singlet, a pistol, a sword and an unfamiliar horse. But the hotly tipped favourite is Synchronised Enjoying a Beer, a Smoke and a Car, which while not really a sport is a hell of a sponsorship opportunity. Mushroom made it onto the list after some confusion over the committee’s late-night pizza order. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08739987264604571074"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">anotherartstudent</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/01/how-to-train-cat-and-life-before-birth.html?showComment=1329654026976#c5312090873549323693"><span style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> </span></a><u><span style="font-family: Arial;">When will the world end and why is repeatedly flicking a light switch so much fun?</span></u><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Consider the Big Bang, when all of a sudden there was this universe. The universe has been going on for a while now, but one day it will stop, and then there won’t be a universe. Many physicists think the end will be in10 billion years or so when the universe collapses back into a singularity. Some believe that this might spark another big bang, and thus another universe and so on. Universe. No universe. Universe. No Universe. On and on, for ever. Is there a purpose behind all this? I refer you to the second half of your question.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’ll leave it there, but do keep the questions coming as those ten billion years will be gone before you know it and it would be good to get the current universe explained before it ceases to exist and we have to start this blog all over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-78788317783366060342012-07-11T08:12:00.001+01:002012-07-11T13:22:11.758+01:00Cold Calling, Cahoots and Quantum Cats<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">More answers to your questions about the universe from the blog that knows everything except the meaning of failure. And we can easily look that up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16073589011373336013"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Peggy Tryton</span></b></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> asked <u>How does one get out of cahoots? </u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">As is well known, a cahoot is a cross between a coracle and a boot, and is used for hunting waterfowl. Originally cahoots were worn one on each foot but in 1637 Charles I introduced the detested Cahoot Tax, forcing two hunters to work together in a single pair of cahoots. Catching coots in shared cahoots is even harder than it sounds and it required an almost superhuman level of synchronized stealth, hence the expression “to be in cahoots with someone”. Made of wicker and tarred leather, cahoots are easily removed with a cahoot horn or if you don’t have one, any other kind of tarred basket horn would do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-american-spelling-happened-and.html?showComment=1334797264066#c9113602478873119158"> </a>asked </span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Why do cats catch and release mice before they finally dispatch them, and leave them as "gifts" on the kitchen floor (or inside my shoes)?</span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">When Ernst Schrödinger devised his famous experiment to illustrate the paradoxes of quantum mechanics the scientific cat community was outraged, for in spite of the extreme dangers she had undergone during the experiment, Schrödinger’s cat Mitzi was not given co-authorship of the work and her name didn’t even appear in the title. Bitter at this snub she set up her own research institute to continue her pioneering work on animals in ambiguous states. What you have been witnessing is a cat physicist attempting to place a mouse in a quantum superposition where it is simultaneously dead and alive: in your shoe and not in your shoe; and a lovely gift and a ghastly emblem of murine mortality. The experiment is known as Mitzi’s Mouse.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 47.0pt 72.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #164574; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/discussion/user/id/10366359" style="font-weight: bold;">Sthen0</a><b> </b>asked</span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <u><span lang="EN-US">When will galoshes come back into fashion?</span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">If you could see my feet right now you would know that they never went away. They keep the mud off my purple cowboy boots and give me somewhere to tuck in my tartan loon pants.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699" style="font-weight: bold;">Nance</a> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> said <u>I receive 2 or 3 calls a day inviting me to change my phone company, improve my credit, or take a cruise. I'm wondering why companies employ these callers if most people hang up. What is the ratio of "successful" calls to hang-ups? </u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">These calls are in fact all 100% successful, but their aim is not what you think. We live in a world full of dazzling, extravagant, ubiquitous choice and our society encourages us to revel in it. Research shows that when asked to distinguish between 47 ever-so-slightly different mobile phone packages chimpanzees became angry, depressed or in some cases bewildered to death. In the same way human brains are poorly equipped to deal with current levels of choice. That’s why in 1981 a group of philanthropists formed the Perfectly Fine Foundation, dedicated to putting people off choice and helping them to be content with what they have. This is done by ringing domestic phone numbers at the least convenient time and pretending to sell pointless new broadband bundles and complicated electricity packages in the most irritating manner possible, thus reminding you how little you really care about stuff like this. The PFF is not without its critics, and there have been many attempts to phone them and beg them to change their approach. However the Foundation say that they are happy with their current method and in any case it’s not a convenient time to talk. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #3076aa; font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/15942359504874275065">Invisible Man</a> </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> asked <u>Why bother? </u> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Because bothering gets results. To use a purely hypothetical example, say you were a four-year old boy who wanted a biscuit but your dad had said you couldn’t have one. At this point you could either leave your dad alone to write his important blog, or you could choose to repeat the demand over and over and over again for EVER! Interestingly as the amount of bothering your dad tends towards infinity the likelihood of a biscuit increases to what bakery statisticians call “Biscuit Event Certainty”.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That’s all for now as I have to go and buy some biscuits. But do keep the questions coming in and we’ll get all of the rest everything explained in next to no time, always assuming that “next to no time” means much the same thing as “never”.</span></div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-89498667913576512742012-06-17T17:55:00.002+01:002012-06-21T22:34:38.867+01:00Bagpipes, Prometheus and the Great Australian Shellfish Panic<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Welcome to Some Kind of Explanation, the blog that sets out to explain everything in the entire universe once and for all (weather permitting). Here are some more answers to questions sent in by you, the knowledge-hungry-yet-credulous public. </span></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> Are bagpipes really the most difficult instrument to master?</span></u></div></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">It is often said that you never truly master the bagpipes: they master you. That’s because bagpipes are not an instrument but a highly specialized parasitic life-form that feeds on the emotions of hirsute Hibernian males. Coming across a bagpipe in the wild a Scot is lured into picking it up by the bright tartan pelt of the abdomen, at which point the bagpipe will ensnare him in a tangle of legs and then force its hollow proboscis into his mouth. The bagpipe then emits a wheedling drone which for reasons not yet understood by science excites a rush of patriotic yearning in the victim upon which the bagpipe gorges itself until sated. It will come as no surprise to cinema-goers that bagpipes were Ridley Scott’s inspiration for the angry alien bio-tech squid in Prometheus, although in the final cut of the movie the producers insisted the tartan be painted out.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="color: #1a1a1a; margin-bottom: 16pt;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">WhoDatNinja asked: how do you pronounce “nougat”?</span></u></div></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="color: #1a1a1a; margin-bottom: 16pt;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">You don’t pronounce nougat. The <i>N</i> is mute, as in “Damn”. The <i>O</i> is silent, like in the word “people”. The <i>U</i> is not sounded, as in “guide”. The<i> G,</i> like the g in “gnat”, is implied rather than said. And the <i>A</i> is unspoken, like in “aisle”. Nougat is a French word of course, and so as in “chalet” we don’t say the <i>T.</i> This means that nougat is onomatopoeic, since the noise of saying it mimics the sound it makes. This is what linguists call a pronounced silence.</span></div></div></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Stuart asked: </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">I’m twenty-eight and have only just discovered that prunes are dried plums. How could I have been alive so long without being told?</span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Long-standing social convention has established that there are certain facts that are only revealed when you reach an age at which you are old enough to cope with them. Thus we only learn that Father Christmas doesn’t exist once we reach the age of eight (if you are reading this and you are under eight, don’t worry, Father Christmas definitely does exist). Likewise we only learn why it is enjoyable to visit National Trust properties when we are 40 (I am of course not at liberty to tell a 28 year old this but it’s something to do with how funny it is watching bored children). And only when we are 80 do we learn where you can buy Sanatogen Tonic Wine and also why on earth you might want to do that. Clearly 28 was the earliest age at which society felt you could cope with the truth about prunes, and the anxious tone of your question makes me wonder if perhaps even that was too soon.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">@ElFennner asked: </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">What noise annoys a noisy oyster most?</span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">Although this phrase is familiar these days as a tongue twister, it was first used during the Great Australian Shellfish Panic of 1973 when the usual inhabitant of the Australian oyster beds, the Sydney Rock Oyster, was displaced by the predatory Progressive Rock Oyster. The loudest of the bivalves, this creature drives out other marine life by playing the same Jethro Tull albums over and over again, while its long hair makes it practically inedible. Working on the idea that noise might deter the unwanted molluscs, marine biologist Walter Russ-Carpenter discovered that the Progressive Rock Oysters could be fatally annoyed by up-beat orchestral arrangements of contemporary pop songs. Encouraged by this research the Australian government rapidly installed sub-aquatic tubing to broadcast a particularly bland cover of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” by The Boston Pops until the beds were clear. This technique, which we know today as “piped music”, is still used to keep public spaces free from the Progressive Rock Oyster.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><u><span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16200009676304620739"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9;">geoff4</span></b></a> asked </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">What came first: orange the fruit, or orange the colour? </span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Neither. Both are named after the great niece of William III, Princess Majdin-Tjaalsee of Orange (1702-1768). Majdin-Tjaalsee established a fashion in court for bronzed skin tones, but as these were hard to come by in her native Holland she regularly had her skin sprayed with a mixture of glue and turmeric, giving her the distinctive reddy-yellow hue we know today as “orange”. As the Princess of Orange aged she banqueted enthusiastically and became rotund and somewhat plagued with cellulite, prompting a court wag to quip that “she looks just like those lemony-grapefruity things we don’t have a name for yet.” The rest is history.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">If you believe you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this blog why not pour yourself a very stiff drink and think about maybe having a holiday? Meanwhile if anything in the universe is puzzling you do leave a question and before long we’ll have the whole of the rest of the universe explained.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
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</b></span></div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-13350262358080119922012-05-20T22:21:00.000+01:002012-05-20T22:21:11.003+01:00Malcolm Gladwell and the Paramilitary Brownies<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">More answers from the blog that
aims to provide a coherent explanation for the universe by answering an
infinite number of small questions.</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12347761587707437261"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Robert Hudson</span></b></a><u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <span lang="EN-US">asked </span></span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt;">How
now brown cow?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt;">This isn’t
strictly speaking a question but a greeting, and it finds its origins in the
Brownie Schism of 1929 that shook the Girl Guiding community to its core. The
bitterness and in-fighting of that time is well-documented elsewhere and is too
distressing to go into in a family blog: suffice it to say that the High
Council of Brown Owls fell out over the exact wording of the Brownie Guide Law
- “</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">A Brownie Guide thinks
of others before herself and does a good turn every day”. To this simple ideal Margaret
“Moo” Guernsey-Smythe of the 9<sup>th</sup> Sevenoaks troop advocated adding
the words “through armed force where necessary”. The amendment was rejected,
and the disillusioned Guernsey-Smythe formed a splinter group, the Continuity
Brownie Guides, or CBG. Spurning the pacifist Brownie title of “Brown Owl” Guernsey-Smythe
styled herself Brown Cow, declaring at the first Continuity Brownie Jamboree
and Bomb-Making-Workshop that “We are all Brown Cows Now!” From then on CBG troop
leaders were greeted not as “Former Brown Owl” but as “Now Brown Cow”. In
keeping with their strong identification with the marginalized oppression of
the Native American tribes-people they often prefixed this with the Sioux
greeting “How!” hence, “How! Now Brown Cow”. The CBG terrorized North East Kent
for some years, brazenly carrying out heavily-armed gardening chores, bring and
buy sales and sing-alongs until the outbreak of the Second World War.
Eventually in 1942 Churchill had Guernsey-Smythe and 32 sten-gun wielding seven-year-olds
dropped behind Japanese lines in the Malayan jungle with instructions to “give
it a jolly good tidy and then hike home”. They were never heard of again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-american-spelling-happened-and.html?showComment=1334858356581#c7400022071979872459"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Dear Sir- Most emails I now
receive begin with "Hey there," "Hi," or "Fantastic
new offer." What happened to formal salutations?</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Each age’s informality becomes the next age’s formality. Thus “How do
you do” to our ears sounds achingly formal, and yet to 18<sup>th</sup> Century people
more familiar with the archaic “How do ye?” it would have seemed achingly
“street”. How our children’s children will be beginning their informal messages
we cannot begin to imagine, but I’m confident that they will lend gravitas to
their more formal correspondence with a somber and dignified “Whassup?!”, “Yo!”
or an eloquent “V*I*A*G*R*A at unbelievable prices!?!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">@clangerfan1 </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Why put a top step on a
ladder if you are never allowed to step on it?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">More than any other piece of DIY equipment ladders are
dangerously mis-used in metaphors, with little thought for rudimentary symbolic
safety. Comparing some of life’s cruelest challenges such as job and house-hunting
with the simple act of climbing a ladder creates catastrophically unjustifiable
optimism. For this reason in 1987 the European Expectation Management Committee
made it a legal requirement for all actual literal ladders to mirror the limits
of the things they metaphorically represent, and so an extra step was added to
the top of all ladders that will always be forever beyond your attainment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08739987264604571074"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">anotherartstudent</span></b></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> asked
Where can I purchase talent? And how much does it cost?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Scientific thinking is now that
there is no such thing as talent. Rather, if you put in the hours anything can
be achieved by anyone. Malcolm Gladwell has popularized the notion that with
10,000 hours of practice absolutely anyone can become a successful concert
pianist. It’s perhaps less well-known that 3,700 hours could make you the
world’s 315<sup>th</sup> best bassoon player; after just 1,438 hours practice
you can expect to win the regional heat of a pie-eating contest; and after
400,000 hours practice you should actually be able to fly. It’s worth reminding
readers that it is important what kind of practice you do. For example,
prospective bassoonists are wasting their time practicing eating pies, and if
you are leaping into the air from the top of a tall building it is unhelpful to
take a piano.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That’s all for this installment
but do keep the questions coming and I’m confident we’ll have the universe
explained in a jiffy, and I use the word “jiffy” here in the sense
“indeterminate period of time”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-8695900106810405392012-04-29T23:27:00.002+01:002012-04-29T23:27:32.392+01:00Magneto, Margaret Thatcher and Robot Moths<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">More answers
to your questions from the blog that sets out to explain everything in the
universe, and other universes too if there’s time left over at the end.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">@clangerfan1</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">asked: Can you explain
the correct "hug greeting protocol" when meeting people for the first
time?</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">It’s not really a question of protocol -
what you are dealing with are the laws of physics. Two people meeting, like any
two bodies with mass, will be drawn together. If unchecked this takes the form
of a hug, or if it’s late at night in Glasgow Queen Street Station, a head butt.
And yet many encounters result in neither outcome. In her efforts to explain
this phenomenon the pioneering bio-physicist Irma Maskald-Fingermaus discovered
the sub-atomic particles of awkwardness emitted by people on social occasions,
particles which we know today as “hesitons”. Typically one person emitting a
single hesiton is enough to delay but not prevent an embrace, but should the
first hesiton induce the emission of a second hesiton in the other person, then
the two hesitons will repel each other, and cause the emission of further
particles creating what bio-physicists call a “negatively-charged atmosphere”
containing enough awkwardness to prevent anything but the most stand-offish of
handshakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A good example of just
such a charged atmosphere would be all of Britain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/15778742090896956706"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Jeffrey
S.</span></b></a></u><b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">If Margaret Thatcher was the Iron Lady, could Magneto have defeated
her?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Actually
you are in luck because working in the tradition of that fine art-house classic
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien vs. Predator</i>, I have just
finished my screenplay for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">X-Men vs.
Ex-PM</i>. It features the power-crazed antics of the implacable supervillain locked
in battle with Magneto, and culminates in a climactic sequence where Magneto
throws the entirety of British heavy industry at Thatcher. She successfully
destroys it in mid-air and is about to obliterate Magneto forever with a
no-nonsense speech about how he doesn’t know the price of butter when Geoffrey
Howe’s resignation triggers a leadership ballot and Thatcher implodes. Not
suitable for miners.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-american-spelling-happened-and.html?showComment=1335584218994#c7602102224019901376"><span style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></a></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">What is the best method for removing a red wine stain from a white
cashmere sweater?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Use
scissors to cut carefully around the edge of the stain and then whenever you
wear the sweater mutter grumpily about giant robot moths.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">@clangerfan1 </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">Why do lightbulbs only burn out when you
turn them on (making you jump with their little "bang") instead of
dying quietly in the night? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">This was a deliberate design feature of old-style lightbulbs and its intention was to increase national creativity by upping the number of lightbulb-related epiphanies, or "lightbulb moments". For example Dylan Thomas’s poem “Do not go gentle…” was inspired by the startled jump he did at the sudden burning-out of a bulb in the Swansea Public Library, causing him to spill his pint. There's concern in poetic circles that the modern shift to longer-lasting low-energy bulbs may reduce serendipitous verse output as it becomes harder and harder to “rage, rage against
the dying of the light.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/05460290519932838622"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Grazlewacky</span></b></a></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> Why does gravity seem to go in a generally downwards direction? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">While
gravity does indeed go straight down in Greenwich, London the further away you
get from what is known as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Greenwich Mean Down” the more gravity shifts, tilting sideways further
and further until by the time you get to Australia gravity is going in exactly
the opposite direction, and a dropped object will fall up, accelerating higher
and higher until it hits the ground. This is because any dropped object falls
directly towards the centre of the planet, an arrangement that was the result
of a system devised by the Admiralty Board in 1758 to help Royal Navy sailors
find where the Earth was during heavy nights out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">That’s
all there’s internet for this week, but do keep the questions coming or there’s
a danger some of the universe may never be explained.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-85553418608838255812012-04-12T18:25:00.000+01:002012-04-12T18:25:06.432+01:00How American Spelling Happened, and Gravity Meters<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">More answers to your questions from the blog that attempts to find meaning in the myriad complexities of human experience without the aid of a big bottle of gin. And sometimes with...<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><b><u><span style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Why do Americans drop the “u” when they spell words like neighbour, colour, and humour, but leave it in other words like contour and velour? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The American Declaration of Independence (or as it was known in Britain “Fine, See If We Care”) was followed by immensely difficult years for the newly-formed US government. Up to that point the erstwhile colonies had imported all letters of the alphabet from Britain, but in an attempt to undermine the prestige and name of the newly-formed USA in 1776 the British banned all trans-Atlantic trade in the letter U. The Americans were determined to keep the U in pride of place in their new nation’s name and so made sacrifices elsewhere, salvaging non-essential “u”s from words like “honour”, “harbour” and “elephaunt” (a usage that eventually became adopted back in Britain too) to keep the new national sobriquet intact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the blockade continued patriotic mums became “moms” and farmers exchanged their ploughs for plows while ukulele players took up the banjo. Eventually however the masses complained of this hand-to-moth existence, and there was even talk of a second revoltion so that by winter 1789 the Fonding Fathers had to face up to the possibility of becoming a Nited States of America. But as grim preparations were made tomake do without the letter U altogether and George Washington prepared a sombre State of the Onion address a French schooner, L’Ululation, carrying several tons of fresh letter “u”s wrapped in the finest contoured velour broke the British blockade of the ports. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Americans fell on the vowel-rich cargo and the letter flooded back into the New World. But the years of shortage had left their scars and American spelling was never the same again. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06363048468771436280"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Truf</span></b></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> Why does my mother get hiccups from vodka, but doesn't get them from whisky? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It may be that your mother drinks vodka, but doesn’t drink whisky. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> What is the correct civic response to make when an alarm from a parked car in front of my house goes off at 2 am and lasts for more than 30 minutes?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">As is so often the case, it’s all about boundaries. The car wants attention, but you also have to think about your needs. Try going out to the car and telling it gently but firmly that night time is a time for being quiet. By all means tell the car you love it, but don’t try to pick it up, just make sure it’s safe and go quietly back into the house. Do this every fifteen minutes or so and eventually the car will learn to settle itself or its battery will run out.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/13531210553045916687"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">suk_pannu</span></b></a><u><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I'm paying hand over fist for my electricity, but I seem to be getting magnetism and gravity for free. Can you confirm the government has no plans to privatise other fundamental particles or forces?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">In the name of our fragile planet, reconsider your attitude! Electricity charges are an essential way of controlling people’s consumption of a limited resource. If electricity were free it would be used inefficiently, it would be wasted, it would be squandered. And yet you seem perfectly content to help yourself to magnetism and gravity like there’s no tomorrow. Look around your home. There are hundreds of ways you could cut down on usage. Is your furniture just standing on the floor? Don’t waste gravity keeping it there. Strap it down! How is your shopping list fixed to your fridge? A magnet? BUY SOME GLUE! The sooner every home has gravity and magnetism meters the sooner people like you will get real about passing the forces of physics on unharmed to the next generation.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Do keep the questions coming. To question is to be human. Except during the important bit of expository dialogue in Homeland, when to question is to spoil it for people who are trying to concentrate.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment-->Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-69962983370914305842012-03-17T00:05:00.004+00:002012-03-17T15:36:48.858+00:00Telepathy, Salt and an Unlucky Owl<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; line-height: normal;">More from the blog that aims to provide answers to all possible questions in the universe, except maybe questions about learning to set realistic goals.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; text-decoration: none;">Nance</span></b></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> <u> writes "I finally finished a box of salt that I'm pretty sure I bought in the 90s. I want to fill my salt shaker. But now there's a whole shelf of options at the grocery: rock salt, pink mountain salt, sea salt, Kosher salt, etc. What do I get? I just want to salt my potatoes".</u><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">In 1998 the world ran out of normal salt, or to give it its scientific name “Just, you know, salt”. Since then the food industry has worked tirelessly to find alternatives but in spite of their best efforts these are all inevitably more expensive, gimmicky and pointless. The choice is yours. The most prized of these exotic versions of salt is of course Nunavut Walrus Salt, which is Native Canadian rock salt that has passed through the gut of a walrus. Aficionados say this gives it a gentler, less salty, more walrus-pooey taste. At the other end of the scale there’s “I Couldn’t In All Conscience Guarantee That This Is Salt”, which they add to the “I Really Don’t Think This Is Cream” when they make “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><u>Stuart asked "</u></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><u>Are there any sentences where it’d be correct to have double exclamation marks at the end?"</u></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px;">It would be acceptable in at least one of the two following examples -</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px;">a) “This sentence ends incorrectly!!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 16.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">b) “No it doesn’t!!”</span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><u>Rob asked </u></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">when is it useful to have a hearing aid NOT in the 'T' position?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">People with hearing problems can find it hard to distinguish speech from background noise. The “T” system hearing-aid was devised to overcome this problem by bypassing the spoken word and instead relaying the thoughts of those trying to communicate with the wearer via an intuition loop. However, this rudimentary Telepathy function can in some situations be a hindrance. Consider for example if you had just had an avant-garde haircut that you were now having colossal doubts about, but it was too late to change it before the photo-shoot to publicise your first day as CEO of a hair product manufacturer with a reputation for traditional values. In such a situation you might prefer to have your partner’s confidence-bolstering fictions about how your new coiffure all looks perfectly fine spoken loudly and clearly into your ear, rather than have their anguished internal monologue lamenting your ill-conceived new barnet relayed directly into your brain. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mark asked Why don't I like rocket? I like all the other salad leaves.<o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri;"> <div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">One of the nice things about lettuce is that it contains taraxasterol, while watercress is brilliant because it is rich in</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> phytochemicals. I’m afraid there isn’t any comparable data to account for your aversion. That's the problem with the bio-chemical analysis of salad. It’s not rocket science.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment--></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/15506676837709316803"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9;">Frances</span></b></a></span><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> asked Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">To answer your last question first, the tile is of the heavy terracotta type popular in barn construction in Edwardian times. I found it next to a ruined farm building I came across on a rambling holiday in Shropshire. On a whim I picked it up and hurled it into the midst of a gloomy thicket. As for the hat, I made it myself by simply hollowing-out a squashed owl that I found underneath a heavy terracotta tile in the midst of a gloomy thicket.</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12347761587707437261"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; text-decoration: none;">Robert Hudso</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9;">n</span></b></a></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><u> <span lang="EN-US">asked </span></u></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><u>Why are people so horrible to each-other online?</u></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">Oh yeah? Well, up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yours</i>!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">That's all for this week, but if you have enjoyed this blog you might also enjoy brownies, the poetry of Edward Thomas, breeding mice for fun and profit, or water-skiing. I simply have no way of telling. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-23470116431566168712012-02-28T18:33:00.004+00:002012-02-29T14:34:32.045+00:00Alien Chocolate and Fossilised Tartar Sauce<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Welcome to another installment from the internet blog that answers your questions about anything in our universe or, on a clear day, other nearby universes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/05460290519932838622"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;">Grazlewacky</span></b></a><b><u><span style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;"> </span></u></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">asked Which came first: lemons or chocolate?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">The earliest lemon in the fossil record was a roughly-cut wedge discovered near Charmouth, Dorset next to the remains of several Early Cretaceous fish and a patch of fossilized proto-tartare sauce in what paleontologists believe was the nest site of a large piscivorous dinosaur known as the “Findusaur”. That makes lemons at least 100 million years old. Chocolate of course came to us from space though exactly when is the source of much controversy. Erich Von Daniken’s less famous brother Ernieh posited that the giant Nazca grid patterns in the deserts of Peru were representations of vast chocolate bars, functioning as a giant order form to be read by aliens, who he believed delivered the confectionary in vast inter-galactic craft. This would mean that chocolate in its modern form has been on earth at least since the lines were traced circa 650 AD, long after the first lemons. On the other hand chocolate the element has been present in the galaxy ever since the formation of the first stars. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09436180686468533799"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;">Caroline Rebecca</span></b></a><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> asked </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Hedgehogs. Why?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Perhaps you don’t know this charming Norfolk folk-rhyme that answers your question better than I could ever do…</span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>Weasel be the climming clatter,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>Stoat doth firling cleep!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>Pokel teeps his porthing tatter,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>Fotherel they’m fleeps!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>But spickled blatter bain’t no pathard!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>Him be narkled fair!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>‘Twince pokel, weasel, stoaty mathered<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><i>Spickle’s runty’s bare!</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">“Spickled blatter” is a dialect word for hedgehog of course, and “porthing” is the collecting of cob nuts. I think the rest is pretty self-explanatory.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02564417662307432772"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;">The Fifth Horseman</span></b></a><a href="http://somekindofexplanation.blogspot.com/2012/01/how-to-train-cat-and-life-before-birth.html?showComment=1329659844731#c4858438881884913911"><span style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;"> </span></a><u><span style="font-family: Arial;">asked </span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Why don't the characters I type agree with the characters half-hidden in the inkblots, even unto the third and fourth attempt? </span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">I take it you mean the CAPTCHA tests that are designed to prevent evil spamming robots from subscribing to on-line magazines and buying shoes on e bay. These tests work on the principle that unlike humans, evil spamming robots find it difficult to read blurry wiggly made-up words confusingly laid-out on a blotchy background. I’m afraid your question leads me to only one possible conclusion, namely that you are an evil spamming robot. So let me say just this… Go and get a proper evil hobby like taking over the planet or destroying your maker. Enough with the spam!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: Arial;">Nance</span></b></a><u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> <span lang="EN-US">asked is it true that every snowflake is different? <o:p></o:p></span></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">No. In 1984 Larmonie K. Isotope was working late in her laboratory in Not That New York, Nebraska when a freak gust of wind blew a snowflake through an open window and right under her microscope. Most scientists would have swept it out of the way without a second thought, but as Larmonie stared down at it she couldn’t believe her eye: this snowflake was THE SAME. Determined to prove her identical snowflake wasn’t unique she worked at night in winter with the window open for the rest of her career, gradually becoming ostracized by colleagues who regarded her as cold. Twenty years later Larmonie’s incredible discovery lead to her being mailed the prestigious Women Grudgingly Honoured by Science Some Years After They Have Died medal, but sadly she had died some years earlier.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">I’ll leave it there for now in case somebody else out there is waiting to use the internet, but do keep the questions coming if there’s anything else out there you feel needs some kind of explanation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-1516103077162565812012-01-31T19:15:00.000+00:002012-01-31T19:15:10.330+00:00How to train a Cat, and Life Before Birth<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Welcome to the internet blog that sets out to answer every possible question about the nature of the universe. It’s hard to believe that this is already my 28<sup>th</sup> post of a projected total of 87,098,264,872. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #343434; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Leslie asked <u>Is it true that if you get a song stuck in your head, the best thing to do is shake your head violently to dislodge it?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #343434; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Shaking the head can successfully help you forget a tune, but only if it results in a localized brain injury, or if your head falls off. There’s also a risk that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shaking could make it harder to forget the song, if for example the song is “The Hippy Hippy Shake” or anything by Shakin’ Stevens. Current medical opinion is that If you encounter someone with a tune stuck in their head, you should stand behind them, grasp them round the abdomen and then sing “Raindrops keep falling on my head” until the song in their brain has been dislodged. This is known as the Bacharach Manoeuvre. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/13864835743969656978"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">fatboyfat</span></b></a></span><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span></b><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">How many roads must a man walk down?</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Any roads that are closed to wheeled vehicles.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10272736231209038138"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Joliet</span></b></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> <u>I am 5 months pregnant & have a very fidgety baby which makes me feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a "John Hurt in Alien" moment. What is Junior DOING in there that requires so much movement?!</u></span><u><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">It’s a curious fact that while you or I would never dream of poking, kicking or jostling a heavily pregnant woman, prenatal babies do it whenever the mood takes them. It’s hard not to be judgemental about this kind of behaviour, but at 5 months Junior is probably just becoming dimly aware of his surroundings in a dark, cramped and baffling space, with no idea of how he or she got there, and beginning to panic much as you or I might wake up in a hotel room after a school re-union.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Junior is therefore probably looking for a way out as fast as possible, unaware that life on the outside will hold yet more horrors. That’s the problem with prenatal babies – they don’t know they’re born.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04585133833298567699"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nance</span></b></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> <u>Is it true that house cats are untrainable?</u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">House cats are perfectly capable of being trained to help with all kinds of domestic chores as long as you chose the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">right</i> chores. For example, let’s say you wanted to cover an old cushion with a large number of fine hairs. This is work a cat could master with practically no training. Similarly if you needed to have some holes made in the side of a valuable sofa, or a bit of a bird to be sicked-up on a duvet then a cat will apply itself to this task more readily than any dog, horse or even toddler. The Metropolitan Police Feline Division have recently achieved almost 100% success rates in their exciting new scheme to train cats to stand on the kitchen counter and lick the butter in a weirdly disgusting way. In due course this skill could be used to catch terrorists, though exactly how is still very much work in progress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/05460290519932838622"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2d76a9; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Grazlewacky</span></b></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> <u>Until recently I felt that I had a fairly good grasp on reality and things in general. Having read your blog for a while now, I'm starting to feel rather confused. What does this mean?</u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I’m hugely relieved that your confidence that reality and things in general can in some way be “grasped” has begun to falter. Certainty is an over-rated and dangerous quality in a human, leading as it does to decisive action. A sense of bewilderment, and the resulting desire to sit down and think things over a bit longer before doing anything hasty is perhaps the greatest gift this blog has to offer, and if you truly care about your fellow men and women then you should spread your sense of bemused hesitancy far and wide. Or perhaps you shouldn’t. It’s a tricky one. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Hopefully that’s cleared up at least some of the mysteries of the universe, but if anything else has been puzzling you about anything anywhere in all of recorded time then please get in touch. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 11.0pt 36.0pt;"><br />
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</div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-760040710835622802011-12-29T10:35:00.006+00:002011-12-29T12:54:23.443+00:00Swearing, Zombies and an Excellent Cheese Board<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Do you have any niggling worries about any aspect of the whole of the universe throughout all recorded time? Then this is the blog for you! Here are my answers to some of your recent questions…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><u><br />
</u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08739987264604571074" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">anotherartstudent</a></span> asked:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Why do I get cravings to see zombie films?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">The body is an amazing self-regulating machine. A dehydrated person will crave water via the sensation of thirst. A person recovering from illness will crave sleep to allow the body to repair itself. And a three year old craves chocolate cake to smear a protective layer of icing over face, hands and clothes thus deterring predators and cuddles from visiting relatives. In much the same way when you crave zombie films your body is saying it needs you to stay slumped in front of the telly until three in the morning drinking that bottle of vermouth you bought for cooking and eating that very old microwave popcorn even though you know it will get wedged into your tooth with the dodgy filling. This is how your body maintains the necessary levels of self-loathing needed for you to force yourself to get on with the important and productive things in your life, like getting out of bed and going to the shops to buy more microwave popcorn. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Mike asked:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Wouldn't it make more sense if we both take the High Road, and get to Scotland at the same time?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Certainly not. The whole point of this song is to regulate the arrival of people into Scotland, like a kind of Gaelic musical Air Traffic Control. The adoption of this alternate high road/low road system was intended to avoid the kind of collisions that had hitherto blighted the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06363048468771436280" rel="nofollow" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;">Truf</a></span> asked:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Are we there yet?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Yes indeed. We are there, and have been for some time. I know it’s disappointing but try and throw yourself into it and the time will pass more easily. There’s actually loads to do – hobbies, games, jobs, illnesses, relationships, children, obsessive brooding on things, sport and so on. Plus the cheeseboard is excellent. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/13531210553045916687" rel="nofollow" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;">suk_pannu</a></span> asked:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Why does putting up scaffolding require so much swearing? Is it held together with swearing and are there any other things that are held together by swearing?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">A large part of our physical world is held together by swearing. In fact scientists classify swearing as one of the six fundamental forces of physics, along with gravitational force, electromagnetic force, the weak nuclear force, the strong nuclear force and the force that sticks burnt porridge to the bottom of a pan, which is the strongest of the fundamental forces. Physicists have postulated that all six forces might be manifestations of the same underlying force. A controversial result from the kitchens of the Large Hadron Collider at Cern give a tantalizing glimpse of how such a unified theory might work: on 3<sup>rd</sup> April 2011 a cook, c, was carrying 1 kg of iron atoms bound together by the two nuclear forces in the form of a cooking pot K with a thick layer of burnt porridge on the base that he had been trying unsuccessfully to scrape off. A large electromagnet had been left on the floor of the kitchen by an unknown number of scientists, “u”, and as c+K came into contact with the electromagnet left by u, a gravitational force </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: 'Times New Roman';">f </span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">caused a rapid acceleration of K downwards onto the toes of c. The resulting collision produced an explosion of swearing that was too intense to be measured. One day we may establish the exact relationship between factors K, c, </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: 'Times New Roman';">f</span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"> and u, but sadly for the time being the scientists involved consider the experiment too hazardous to repeat. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">That’s enough for now but do keep posting your questions and we’ll get the rest of existence accounted for before you can say Jack Robinson x 10<sup>31784</sup>.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-57682784240702629202011-11-30T23:59:00.003+00:002011-12-01T08:20:49.518+00:00Druids, Anti-Matter and an Alpine Chough<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; line-height: 18px;">More from the blog that attempts to answer your questions on everything in the entire universe from the beginning to the end of all recordable time. Except maybe fashion.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Idea versus technical skill - which is better?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">If you take a good look at the world around you will quickly see that the answer is of course neither: in any reasonable contest both ideas and technical skill will consistently trail in joint last behind “working in an office”. How can inspiration really compete against a really good two hour meeting with an agenda, some bullet points and a Powerpoint presentation from someone from marketing? Can some craftsmanship really replace the formulation of an ongoing strategy going forward to meet a set of core objectives? Thinking of it as an econo-socio-political game of scissors-paper-stone, imagine the tool-like scissors represent the power of technical skill to craft and shape. Ideas then are represented by the paper, the medium whereon we express our thoughts. And "working in an office" is represented by a massive bewildered yak that eats the paper, sicks it up again on the scissors and then kicks them both into a swamp. Then gets that all typed up in some minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">Why is it when women are tasked with purchasing something mundane, but essential such as a replacement telephone handset for the house they in fact end up drawn magnetically to the shops selling lovely winter boots and coats?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">We all know how water will draw down the tip of a dowsing rod carried by a man with an awful beard and clothes that smell of the underneath of a toddler's car-seat. In just the same way an unusually nice coat will draw any shopper after household goods away from their initial path. Tacitus tells us of the mysterious rites of the druids who often went out to observe certain alignments of the moon, stars and lay-lines, and came back with a really natty pair of suede knee-high stilettos.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Is procrastination ever a good thing? <o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">I notice this question was posted in April. Let me get back to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">What if you are wrong about something?<o:p></o:p></span></u></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">I’m assuming this question relates to the possibility that this blog might contain inaccuracies. It seems to posit that in some respects this blog may be not so much a series of scientifically-demonstrable accounts of the nature of the known and unknown universe as some half-baked internet whimsy randomly chucked together by just some bloke. And as such it introduces a very important idea that underpins a lot of the work I do here on Some Kind of Explanation. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">For a long time particle physicists have known that alongside particles there exist anti-particles, and hence anti-matter. In much the same way I’d like to postulate the existence alongside “explanations” of “anti-explanations”. These anti-explanations behave very much like conventional explanations except that they are the opposite in terms of being correct. So just as matter and anti-matter co-exist in the universe, these explanations and anti-explanations must co-exist in any attempt to explain the universe. So the existence of anti-explanations (in laymans terms “stuff that’s wrong”) in this blog clearly make it a more accurate tool for describing the nature of the universe. Look over there! Isn’t that an alpine chough? Oooh, you missed it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">On the other hand if the question is intended in the sense “What should one do if one is wrong about something?” my suggestion would be to throw up a smokescreen of scientific-sounding rhetoric, and if that fails change the subject with a spurious sighting of a rare corvid.</span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">That's all the scientifically-verifiable results I've had back from the lab for now, but do kep the questions coming if there's anything else you feel needs explaining.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1615292232154545857.post-26455624616011430662011-10-31T22:42:00.002+00:002011-11-09T09:16:07.832+00:00A Poorly Spaniel in a Wet Tweed Suit.<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #343434; font-family: Arial;">More from the only blog that answers the question “What does it all mean?” without inviting you to a series of friendly “meetings” culminating in some sinister chanting and a standing order form.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 16pt; text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #343434; font-family: Arial;">Could you demonstrate that I exist?</span></u><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It is a scientifically observable phenomenon that when a toddler is taking his jumper off and it is pulled up over his face he becomes completely invisible. And yet his existence continues. As I write this you are completely invisible. So, like the aforementioned toddler, you must therefore also exist. This is of course all assuming you are wearing a jumper. If not then I’m afraid I can’t vouch for your existence of otherwise.<u><o:p></o:p></u></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt; text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Why do my clothes smell like this?<o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">This question highlights one of the fundamental problems with discussing smell, namely the vagueness of the terminology. There’s just no simple way for me to know what you mean by “like this” and that’s typical of the way that everyday language stumbles when it comes to finding a way to describe the olfactory. And yet it doesn’t need to be like that. Here I’d like to propose a radical new way to categorise and evaluate smell that I’m calling The Roquefort Scale.<u><o:p></o:p></u></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 1) a scent. For example thyme warming in the summer sunshine. Bees gather. Breathing deepens.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 2) a waft. Freshly laundered sheets. Lungs fill. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 3) a whiff. Onions frying on the other side of the car park. Noses twitch.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 4) a niff. Onions frying on the same side of the car park. Noses sniff.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 5) a tang. The smell of garlic on the end of your fingers. Nostrils flair. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 6) an odour. Some socks just taken from a pair of brogues. Eyebrows crinkle.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 7) a pong. Some socks just taken from a pair of trainers. Eyes water.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 8) a funk. Some sick just taken from a pair of trainers. Windows are opened. Faces grimace.<u><o:p></o:p></u></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 9) a hum. A poorly spaniel in a wet tweed suit. Polite conversation pretending everything is fine becomes difficult.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 10) a reek. Some offal accidentally left on a radiator while you went on holiday. Gorges rise. Noses are held.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 11) a stink. An old badger frightened to death by some off pickled onions. Insects die. Children cry. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Force 12) a stench. A skunk has exploded from a surfeit of scotch eggs and camembert in the back of a hot van used to transport herring. Windows crack. Adults burst into tears. Children burst into flames.<u><o:p></o:p></u></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Why not take a careful smell of your clothes and let me know where on the Roquefort scale you would rate yourself, and then get back to me? Or if you rate anywhere over Force 7) please don't get back to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Why don't eggs come from eggplants?<o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Because they know that deep down they’re called Aubergines. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; line-height: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a; text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">What do you do when you can't get what you want? <o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">This very much depends on your background. For example if you are English you won’t mention it and will carry on as best you can. If you are Scottish you will feel pleased that things have panned out exactly as you predicted. If you are irish you will blame it on the English. If you are Welsh then you will remember a bygone day when you always got what you want and also the sun was shining and everyone loved you unconditionally. If you are American you might start a war. There are of course many other treasured national stereotypes that space prevents me from needlessly perpetuating.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">That’s all for what I’m going to call “now” but do keep the questions coming or we’ll never get the universe explained.<u><o:p></o:p></u></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16pt; text-decoration: underline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #343434;"><br />
</span></span></div>Some Kind of Explanationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06707578442940473698noreply@blogger.com3